How to Prepare for an “Amicable” Divorce

How to Prepare for an Amicable Divorce

By: Jolee E. Vacchi, Esq.

Let’s not sugarcoat it—divorce isn’t usually considered a fun or enjoyable process. The end of a marriage can have far-reaching consequences on the most important and intimate aspects of our lives, including finances, housing, children, and relationships with extended family members and mutual friends. But the vast majority of divorce cases do end up settling at some point throughout the process, showing that compromise is possible even amidst the most contentious of circumstances. If you’d like to fast-track this process to save time, money, prolonged heartbreak, and/or to preserve your relationship with your co-parent, these suggestions will help to set you up for success as you prepare for an “amicable” divorce.

1. Gather Financial Information

A critical part of every divorce is the equitable distribution of the marital estate. In layman’s terms— how the parties’ assets (real estate, bank accounts, vehicles, etc.) and liabilities (loans, credit cards, and other debts) are going to be divided. Therefore, this marital estate (the combined pot of both spouses’ assets and debts) needs to be identified as a threshold issue. Gathering and organizing this information and values for your known individual and joint assets and debts can help to streamline this process.

2. Explore Out-of-Court Options

In Massachusetts, there are several options to consider aside from the traditional litigation process of filing a complaint for a contested divorce in family court. This includes the alternative dispute resolution models of Mediation and Collaborate Divorce, as well as Represented Negotiation.

Mediation– In mediation, the parties work with a third-party neutral (the mediator) to facilitate communications between them and assist them in reaching agreements on all issues that must be included in a Separation Agreement (AKA “Divorce Contract”) to present to the court.

Collaborative Divorce– Collaboratively-trained attorneys are hired to represent each party in this process which also involves the facilitation of a neutral Collaborative coach. Everyone signs an agreement stating that if the process fails, neither attorney will be able to represent the parties in court.

Represented Negotiations– The parties hire attorneys to negotiate the terms of a Separation Agreement without the use of a neutral.

3. Manage Your Emotions

Many divorces languish in family court without resolution because one or both of the parties are stuck in a space of making emotionally-driven decisions instead of fact-based decisions. To assist with this mindset shift, it can be worth its weight in gold to work with a professional therapist, counselor, or divorce coach throughout this process. You don’t want to rely on your attorney for this role, as this is not their expertise and they are too expensive!

4. Communicate with Your Spouse

The probability of a relatively civil/amicable divorce skyrockets when both parties have buy-in to this outcome. The chances of this increase exponentially if there is constructive communication between the spouses. A tip to help with this is to own up to your part in the breakdown of the marriage. Even if in your heart you think that your spouse is 90% responsible due to infidelity or financial mismanagement, acknowledging your contribution can garner trust with your spouse as you navigate this process together (and can help you avoid repeating the same patterns in future relationships). Another extremely valuable conversation to have with your spouse is to try and identify a shared set of values/goals that you can return to when addressing the “stickiest” issues in your divorce. For example, there may be shared goals to keep the children in the marital home, ensure that both parties get to share time with a beloved pet, prioritizing college savings, and/or that each party has sufficient retirement assets.

5. Be Prepared to Make Concessions

An amicable divorce will most likely require some compromise by both parties. It can be helpful to write down your “best case scenario” on all of the issues, rank them in order of priority, and also to identify what your “bottom line” is on those issues. This will help to guide you on where concessions can/should be made in negotiations to preserve taking a harder line on a much smaller and more targeted list of “non-negotiables.”

6. Avoid DIY

Your divorce agreement may be one of the most significant financial contracts that you will ever enter into. There may also be some aspects of this contract that CANNOT be modified or that may require a substantial amount of time and money to attempt to correct. Before signing on the dotted line, it cannot be understated how important it is to consult with an attorney, even if you utilized the services of a mediator.

Jolee E. Vacchi is the Founding Attorney of Foundations Family Law & Mediation Center located in Whitinsville (Northbridge), MA. She is a respected, experienced, and compassionate family law practitioner licensed in both Massachusetts and Rhode Island.

While being an empowering and calming presence for her clients, Jolee also has the uncanny ability to transform into a zealous and compelling legal advocate when the occasion calls for it. Once dubbed “The Weapon” by an opposing party in a divorce case, one of her favorite sayings is: “Underestimate me – That will be fun.”

Connect with Jolee today at divorcesquad.com/listing/jolee-e-vacchi/

Summary:
Need guidance on getting through your divorce amicably? Learn about ways to smooth out the process with compromise and communication.