Back to School Co-Parenting Tips

Back to School Co-Parenting Tips

If you have school-aged children, it can be difficult enough to manage their schoolwork, activities, and supplies while living under one roof, but a whole other layer of complexity joins the party when co-parents live separately. In this article, we will explore some common roadblocks that co-parents often experience and share our tried and true tips for a more peaceful co-parenting dynamic that will benefit the whole family.

Homework and School Communications

Both parents should sign themselves up to receive communications directly from the school listserv and create their own account with the school portal to access and review report cards. If only one parent receives a communication from a teacher, counselor, or other school staff member, it should be shared with the other parent as soon as possible.

Any information (such as paper announcements) that may come home with a child from school on that parent’s parenting time should also be shared with the other parent. The easiest way to do this is to maintain a joint calendar for the children that the parents can both add to and review. There are many options out there to consider such as a shared Google calendar and co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard (paid subscription applies) and AppClose (free). This way, school events and assignment deadlines can simply be added to the calendar to keep both parents informed.

Whichever parent has parenting time with the kids is responsible to ensure that homework for the next day is completed timely. If a child has a special project or report due at some time in the future, the parents should coordinate in advance about when/how this will get accomplished. There’s nothing worse than realizing that you need to make a paper mâché solar system the night before it’s due!

Clothing

Each parent should have basic necessities for the children at their own residence including daily clothing and toiletries. This is regardless of whether or not there is a child support order in place. The most important focus here is that the children do not have to worry about having what they need at either parent’s home. Kids grow fast and often need new clothes with each passing season, and parents should communicate about new clothes that they purchase for the kids. If one parent does a majority of the back-to-school shopping, then maybe the other could purchase new warmer weather attire for the spring and summer.

The “Golden Rule” (the principle of treating others as you would like to be treated) also applies here. If you don’t want dirty clothes returned home with your kids to your house, then don’t send dirty clothes back to the other parent. Also be cognizant of the quantity and quality of clothes that are passed back and forth between homes to try and avoid a surplus at one home over the other.

Most importantly, kids should never be made to feel like they have to monitor clothes that go back and forth between houses. Items shouldn’t be designated as “Mom’s clothes” or “Dad’s clothes;” they are simply the child’s clothes. For example, if Dad bought a dress for the child to attend a family wedding on his side and the child wants to wear it to an event that she is attending with Mom, then she should be able to do so.

Special Equipment

Baseball cleats, leotards, and musical instruments…oh my! Today’s kiddos are typically involved in a plethora of extracurricular activities that come with lengthy lists of required clothing, footwear, and equipment. When your child will be transitioning back to the other parent, do a once-over of their packed items to ensure that they have what they need to participate in these activities. If something is overlooked, resist the urge to blame the other parent and focus on how the item can get to the child most efficiently, which may end up being you driving to transport it. These sorts of oversights happen in intact marriages, and they will continue to happen post-separation despite the best intentions. Communicating with your co-parent, offering grace, and prioritizing getting your children what they need is the best course of action here.

Different Homes, Different Rules

Perhaps the most challenging issue that co-parents face when residing in separate homes is accepting that there may be different rules for the children between their two residences, and that is OK! You may wish that there was less screen time or healthier food options available at your co-parent’s house, but the family court is not in the business of litigating parental lifestyle choices unless there is a safety issue. If/when your child says that Mom or Dad lets him/her do X, Y, or Z at their house, simply remind them that this might be the case, but in your home, your rules need to be followed. You will never be able to control what goes on at your co-parent’s house, so time spent worrying about it or pushing against it is wasted energy. Instead, channel your attention into the environment that you can control—your own— and, most importantly, pour into the special relationship that you have with your children.

In summary, the keys to navigating co-parenting while living separately are:
1. Open communication
2. Maintaining a shared kids’ calendar
3. Keeping the children front and center in every scenario
4. Applying the “Golden Rule”
5. Not sweating the small stuff

Looking for more information? Connect today with Jolee E. Vacchi, Esq. at Foundations Family Law & Mediation Center.