A Checklist for Divorce with Kids
There’s no such thing as an “easy” divorce, but when you have kids, it can feel even more complicated. The decisions you make now can shape your children’s future and your co-parenting relationship for years to come. It’s overwhelming. It’s emotional. And sometimes, it’s hard to know where to even begin.
That’s why I put together this checklist, not as a cold legal document to follow, but as a practical, real-life guide from one mom to another. I’ve been in your shoes, so I know that you don’t have to do everything perfectly. You just need to take it one step at a time.
1. Prioritize Your Children’s Emotional Health
Before diving into paperwork and legal logistics, take a deep breath and check in with your kids. No matter how old they are, they’re navigating a loss, too. Reassure them of your love, but keep the adult conversations between adults – don’t bring them into divorce conversations. If you can, consider counseling or a therapist for them who can help them process this change in a healthy way so they don’t feel they’re hurting either of their parents by expressing their true feelings.
2. Gather the Essentials
Start putting together the documents you’ll need:
☑️ Marriage Certificate
☑️ Financial information (bank accounts, debts, income statements, tax returns)
☑️ Run a Credit Report
These are documents you’ll likely need, plus they will help you make sure you get a true picture of your financial status.
3. Think About Your Parenting Plan
A Parenting Schedule is not just about who gets the kids on which days. It’s meant to eliminate future arguments and keep your kid’s lives more stable. As with many things, the devil is in the details. Make sure you’re prepared to discuss things like how holidays will be shared, pick-up and drop-off times and places, whose responsibility is it if the kids are out of school for the day, how will you decide on extracurricular activities or rules for things like cell phone or social media access? Even if you and your spouse get along great currently, there may come a day where you’re not. Having a detailed plan allows you to know what both of your responsibilities are if that day comes.
4. Create a Budget for Your New Normal
Money can get tight fast during and after divorce. Start by mapping out your income, monthly expenses, and what you need to support your kids (housing, food, childcare, school needs). This is also a good time to start building your own credit if everything was previously in your ex’s name. If you’re going to be asking for alimony, you not only need to know what you need right now, but you’ll need to show the Judge what you need to maintain the standard of living that you had during the marriage, so two budgets in these types of cases might be warranted. If you’re not comfortable with budgeting or finances, reach out to a financial advisor to help educate you in this area.
5. Build Your Support Team
Divorce can sometimes feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to a lawyer who understands family law and will advocate for both your rights and your kids’ best interests. Surround yourself with friends who lift you up. Join a support group, even if it’s online. There’s strength in community, especially when you’re walking through something this hard.
6. Take Care of You, Too
You’re doing a lot right now. Give yourself grace. Your children need you, but they also need a version of you who’s taking care of yourself. Whether that’s journaling, therapy, long walks, or just 10 minutes a day of quiet, make space to breathe. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but you’re on your way.
Divorce isn’t the end of your story. It’s just a bit of a plot twist. With the right tools and support, it can be the turning point toward something stronger, healthier, and more aligned with the life you want to build.
You’ve got this.
Looking for more information? Connect today with O’Connor Family Law
