Site logo

Divorce Squad ®

Tips for Your Divorce Agreement – Birthdays

Tips for Your Divorce Agreement – Birthdays

As you’re negotiating your divorce agreement, there are so many different things to think about. Often we are focused on money, housing, and our kids.  But because there are so many details to think about related to each of these, the divorce agreement may not address things that are important to you, and it will become apparent that they need to be addressed.  One of these things is birthdays.

Now, there is no right or wrong way to address birthdays, both your children’s and yours.  Because every situation is different and every parenting agreement is different, one size does not fit all.  The goal is to think about your situation and what you think is going to best suit you and your family moving forward.  I know many people (myself included) who have nothing in writing about birthdays, so when they roll around, their fingers are crossed that things will work out.  Well, crossed fingers don’t always suffice when it comes to divorce situations, so it’s best that we put something in writing.  

Here are some options for how birthdays may be addressed in your divorce agreement.

  1. Vague language that says you will work together to figure it out or have time with the child.  This is a good idea only if you and your ex are quite amicable.  
  2. The parent who doesn’t have the child on the birthday does get to spend a set amount of time (1 -2 hours for example) with the child.  If the child’s birthday falls on a holiday and the holiday is your day, this could be complicated so something to consider.  Also, you may consider specifying a lesser amount of time if it is a school day versus a weekend day.
  3. Language that says you will follow the regular schedule.  This is good if both parties are flexible so if one person does want to make a plan for the day of, it will work out.
  4. One parent will have the child for the actual birthday and the other parent will have the friends party, alternating years.  
  5. Alternating years who has the child on their birthday.

Pitfall – not discussing birthday parties and expenses!  It can get quite expensive if one parent is always hosting.  Consider including language about the parties.

Additionally, consider if your actual birthday is important to you or if you are happy to celebrate whenever you next have the kids.  Keep in mind, whatever you want for yourself (i.e. you want your kids for your entire birthday) will likely be matched with the same request from your ex.  So you don’t want to give up your time on a weekend when your ex’s birthday falls on a Saturday, you may want to leave that out.  
There are many options, and they can all work.  The important thing to remember is that your child will be excited to celebrate with you whenever they can for however long.

 If you found this to be helpful, you can check out this other article on birthdays!

Need support through your divorce?  Connect to our professionals!

Get the FREE Divorce Checklists

So You Can Keep Track of the Details