The Papers Are Signed…Now What?
You’ve signed the papers. Maybe your name changed. The chapter is closed.
Everyone says, “Now you can focus on yourself!”
But what does that actually mean?
If you’ve spent years in a partnership — raising kids, managing a household, taking care of everyone else, then focusing on yourself might feel unfamiliar, uncomfortable…or even selfish.
But this is where real healing begins.
Because divorce doesn’t just end a relationship — it disrupts your sense of self.
The roles, routines, and the future you planned? All shifted.
And here’s the thing: before you can move forward, you’ve got to look inward.
What does it mean to work on yourself?
It’s not just spa days or vision boards (though yes, those are nice and can help too).
It’s not about getting back out there to prove you’ve still got it (I actually suggest waiting on this until you have dated yourself for a little while).
And it’s definitely not about pretending everything’s fine.
It’s about examining the relationship you’ve had with yourself.
How did you show up (or abandon yourself) in the relationship?
Where did you silence your truth, settle for less, or override your needs?
And what do you actually want now that it’s just you?
Because here’s the truth:
If you don’t get honest with yourself…
If you don’t explore your part in the dynamic…
You risk repeating the same pattern in the next relationship.
Why This Work Matters
This isn’t about blame; it’s about awareness. There were two people in the relationship, and no matter why it ended, it’s important to look at your role in it. When you understand your patterns, your triggers, and your unmet needs, you stop attracting what isn’t aligned and start building from a place of wholeness.
Working on yourself gives you the chance to:
☑️ Rebuild your self-trust
☑️ Break the cycle of people-pleasing or emotional disconnection
☑️ Redefine what love, partnership, and fulfillment look like for you
☑️ Embrace vulnerability and ask for what you need
You don’t need to rush into “what’s next.” You need to come home to you.
What That Work Might Look Like:
☑️ Letting yourself feel it all — the grief, the rage, the freedom, the numbness. There is no time limit on this. It could be months or years. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up and whenever it comes up…without judgment.
☑️ Getting clear on what actually lights you up (not what you think should). Ask yourself, “What do I REALLY want?” Notice how it feels in your body. Is it expansive or constricting?
☑️ Noticing the stories you’ve carried about love, worthiness, and failure. Ask yourself, “Is this the absolute truth or my truth?” Be willing to let go of the story and create a new one.
☑️ Working with a coach, therapist, or healer to help you reconnect to your truth — and break the cycle for good. A third party can help you see patterns that you did not even know existed. Once you have this awareness, you can start to make changes, so you don’t repeat these patterns. Talking to family and friends can be great, but they are usually emotionally invested and may not be objective.
☑️ Journal everything that is coming up for you. Divorce may feel like an ending, but it’s also a beginning to build the kind of relationship you’ve been missing all along: the one with yourself. The relationship with yourself must be developed before any other.
The next version of your life starts when you say yes to you.
Are you ready to say yes?
If you are ready to say yes to you, I would love to support you in your journey. Please feel free to reach me, and we can see if it is a good fit.
Connect today at https://divorcesquad.com/listing/francine-tirrell/
