Preparing For a Divorce:
Thinking About a Divorce and Don’t Know Where to Start?
Women often begin considering divorce years before they actually start the process. It is not something to be rushed into. If you find yourself in this place, there is a lot to consider.
Together, let’s take a look at 3 factors that will be impacted by your divorce and what you can begin doing now.
1) Your finances.
Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or you are employed, you really want to begin taking an active role in managing the marital finances. You want to understand how much money is coming into the household each month for income, and how much money is leaving the household each month, and where that money is going. If your spouse is the one handling the finances, ask to sit down and review everything.
Tax time is upon us, and it is a great time to review the household income. That includes money from employers, self-employment, or possible investment income that you may not be aware of.
Your household debt also needs to be carefully reviewed. Are you on joint credit cards? If so, you are responsible for whatever money is due. Are you on your home’s mortgage loan? If so, you are financially responsible for this obligation. Assess what debts you are responsible for. If you have no credit card of your own, you may consider opening one up to build some credit. Just be very careful to use it minimally and pay it off each month.
After you look at everything, is something not adding up? If your household income seems decent and your debt is minimal, where is the rest of the money going each month? It’s unlikely, but I have heard horror stories of women discovering their husbands’ gambling debts when going through a divorce. Understanding the current state of your finances will help you down the road if you decide to move forward with a divorce.
And if you decide your marriage is working and you’re going to stay in it, well now you are a partner in your marital finances, and that’s a good thing!
2) Your friendships.
It’s not uncommon for married women to lose themselves a bit in their marriage, or in their children’s lives. Take a look at your current circle. If you feel you haven’t been a great friend, it’s not too late! Make the effort to reach out to your friends and make plans. Everyone is going through something, and we all need to support one another through life’s ups and downs.
If you don’t have anyone you feel very close to, then make a concerted effort to meet new women. Making friends as an adult may not feel easy, but it is absolutely possible! I just finished reading Mel Robbins’ book on The Let Them Theory, and she actually has an entire section dedicated to just this topic! Check it out. You really will want to be surrounded by people who care about you as you navigate the next chapters in your life. Divorce is really hard, but it’s made easier when you have friends that you can talk to
3) Your health.
What do divorce and health have to do with each other? Well, divorce can be extremely stressful and feel overwhelming. It’s easy when you’re feeling this way to let your health slip. By taking care of yourself now and building good habits and routines, you’ll be in better position to handle whatever may come your way. Maybe try a yoga class, some strength training, or pickleball. It will give you something to do that just for you, you may make some new friends, and you’ll feel great that you did it! Oh and bonus, it’s without your spouse! This will give you some time to clear your head and think about your marriage. Another thing that is really wonderful for your mental health would be to talk to a therapist. Certainly, marriage counseling is an option, but if that isn’t the right path for you, then consider talking to someone 1-on-1.
It’s so much more fun to plan a wedding than it is a divorce, but it’s even more necessary to. Divorce is a big undertaking, and if you are going to go down that path, you should begin now taking the necessary steps to ensure you are ready to navigate it successfully.
If you found this article to be helpful, check out these other articles on staying healthy during divorce.
Ready to take the next steps? Chat with one of our divorce attorneys to get started.
