Navigating Your First Post-Separation Holiday Season

Navigating Your First Post-Separation Holiday Season
By Heather O’Connor of O’Connor Family Law

The holidays are supposed to be filled with joy, kindness, and festivity. However, if you are going to be ringing in the holidays without your kids, that magic is likely gone for you in many ways. No matter how much you have processed and understand the idea of sharing holiday time with the other parent, the emotional sorrow that you will likely experience at some point is similar to the Grinch showing up and stealing Christmas.
Because knowledge is power, and being prepared makes life easier, we’re going to go over some ways that you can help keep up your Holiday Cheer and quickly be able to bounce back when your Humbug side starts to come out.

1. Fake it in Front of the Kids. This holiday season may feel different for them, and they are likely going to experience their own feelings about everything. Yet, kids often bounce back as well as their parents allow them to. As much as you might feel moments of sadness and even anger at the situation, don’t let them see it. Don’t let them feel like they are going to ruin your holiday by enjoying their time with their other parent. This is one of the hardest things to do, but it is so important for your children’s well-being so they can enjoy the holidays themselves.
2. Be Prepared for the Low. Even if you’re able to find joy despite the changes this year, be prepared in advance if those downtimes hit unexpectedly. Talk in advance to one of your friends or family members and have them on alert in case you need a sudden shoulder to cry on or a quick reminder that everything will be okay. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in sadness. Have an action plan to pull yourself out of it in advance so you can rebound faster!
3. Create New Traditions. We’ve seen people feel grief over the loss of prior family traditions that were in place during the marriage. The best thing you can do in this case is to change your mindset. Focus on creating new traditions that can continue to grow as the years go on rather than reminiscing about the days that were.
4. Plan for Bumps in the Road. Hopefully the holiday season goes down without a hitch for you, but life has a way of throwing you curveballs. Think about what those could be in your situation and with your particular ex. Come up with an alternative to the scheduled plan so you have a backup and you are able to keep your stress level down if you have to enact Plan B.
5. Don’t Forget to Gift Yourself Love. As a parent, it’s often easy to lose focus of what we need in exchange for putting our primary focus on our children. But you can only pour water from a pitcher if that pitcher has water in it to pour. The same goes for you. If you do not take the time to refill yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, then you’re going to find yourself empty with nothing left to give. Give yourself grace, patience, and love this holiday season. You don’t have to be perfect. Your kids aren’t going to remember if each present was wrapped perfectly or the holiday went off without a hitch. They’re going to remember how you made them feel, and that starts with how you feel about you. Don’t worry, I know you’ve got this!

Looking for more information?

For additional support, reach out to me at O’Connor Family Law.