Getting Through the Holidays Before Your Divorce

Getting Through the Holidays Before Your Divorce

If divorce has already been decided upon, but others do not yet know, the next couple of weeks can feel brutal.  While everything is to be merry and bright, you feel things at home are dark and dismal.  It is incredibly hard to sit alone with the knowledge that your marriage is coming to an end.  It may feel like you’re lying to your children or your family to pretend things are “fine,” but when you choose to share the news of your divorce is really important.  Every situation is different, and you may consider waiting until after the holidays before telling your family and children.

Waiting to tell your children that you’re getting a divorce until after the holidays may feel impossible based on your dispositions at home, and you may feel inclined to just tell them what’s happening.  However, please consider this:  I’ve heard from adults who still have incredibly negative feelings about certain holidays because their parents told them they were getting a divorce at this time.  If you can hang on for a few more weeks before telling your kids, they will more likely have no association between the holidays and your divorce.  This is a gift to the children through their adulthood, even though it may feel incredibly hard and near impossible for you to get through.

As far as telling other family members, this is really a judgment call only you can make.  If you feel that emotionally you need the support of your family to get through the holidays, telling them might be the right option.  But this is truly dependent on the bigger picture and their ability to not make the situation worse.  If you know your family cannot keep it together and may say something inappropriate to you, to your soon-to-ex, or to your children, it would be better to wait until after the holidays pass before having a conversation with them.  Additionally, if your family is the type that may react badly or start badgering you with a million questions, again, you may want to wait until the holidays are over.  You do not need to add additional stress to your life at this time with your family calling, texting and emailing you with the third degree.

The holidays are always stressful, but that stress is magnified when you’re facing an upcoming separation.  Do what is best for you and your children.  You will get through this difficult time and will experience much brighter holidays ahead.

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