Don’t Lose Yourself in the Divorce: 6 Steps to Focus on What Really Matters

Don’t Lose Yourself in the Divorce: 6 Steps to Focus on What Really Matters

So you’ve started down the divorce process, now what? Going through a divorce is a huge transition, and while many of us are ready to start a new chapter, that next step can feel overwhelming. You may even have felt lost BEFORE the divorce. The good news? You get to shape this next phase of your life. Although divorce litigation can feel like it takes over your life, make sure you start to use this time to focus on healing, rebuilding, and rediscovering what it means to be you! 

So how do you do that? We’re glad you asked. Here are 6 ways to work on yourself while going through a divorce. 

1. Give yourself Permission to feel: Some days you may feel relief and joy, like the biggest weight in the world has been lifted off of your shoulders. Other days you may feel sadness, heartache, or even regret. This emotional rollercoaster is completely normal. This is all part of the natural grieving process of divorce. After all, this is a major life change! Over time, these emotional swings will reach equilibrium, and you’ll find a new normal. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. No one expects you to be perfect. Give yourself some grace and allow time and space to process your emotions. 

2. Build Your Support System: Many people may believe that, once they have made the hard decision to move forward with a divorce, the hard part is over. However, for many, that’s when the deeper work begins. Friends and family may unintentionally pull back thinking you’re ready to take these next steps on your own when really, this is the time you might need them the most. Don’t be afraid to make your needs known. This may also be a good time to join a support group for other divorcees in similar situations or find a therapist or divorce coach who can help you work through some of these complicated feelings. 

3. Embrace What Brings You Joy: For a long time, your focus may have been on your marriage, your kids, or just making it through the next day. Now is your time to refill your cup and find what fuels you! What used to light you up? What never fails to bring a smile to your face or a sense of fulfillment to your heart? Maybe it’s time to pick up that guitar again, or take an art class. Now is the time to invest in YOU…rediscovering your strengths, interests, and identity outside of your relationship.

4. Practice Positive Self Talk: Time to tell that inner critic to hush! If you’ve been in a toxic marriage, especially with a narcissistic partner, you might have internalized some of their harsh and abusive messages. This negative self-talk will make you doubt your abilities, worth, and sense of safety. So what do you do when you find yourself in that cycle? Find ways to change the talk to make it positive…or neutral if you’re struggling with positivity. If you’re finding yourself saying, “I’m a failure,” replace it with, “I’m learning and growing.” Get curious about whose voice that really is. Is it your husband’s? Mother’s? That judgey dad in the school drop off line? What would you like to actually say to yourself? If you’re struggling, think about how you would talk to your best friend.

5. Get Moving: Exercise isn’t just great for physical health; it’s one of the best tools we have available to boost our mood and mental well-being. Whether you’re someone who can’t wait to get up and jog or you prefer the long-sustained stretches and poses of yoga, movement helps to release stress and get those feel-good endorphins pumping! You don’t have to jump into hardcore fitness right away, just find an activity that gets you moving and brings back some of that amazing confidence we know you have!

6. Read or Listen to Inspiring Information: What you consume consumes you. If you’re struggling, surround yourself with stories of inspiration and growth. Try listening to a podcast about post-divorce success, reading a book on personal development, or watching motivational videos from others who have overcome tough situations. Feeding your mind with positive, empowering content will keep you focused on your bright new future, instead of dwelling on what once was. Divorce can be challenging, but it also marks the beginning of something new. You are the author of this next chapter…so make it one where you can’t wait to turn the page. 

If you’re currently contemplating a divorce and thinking ahead to post-divorce life, our compassionate legal team and client support coach at O’Connor Family Law are here to make sure you are as prepared as possible with as many resources at your disposal as you need.

Looking for more information? Connect today with O’Connor Family Law!