Could a Sleep Divorce Prevent Your Marital Divorce?

Could a Sleep Divorce Prevent Your Marital Divorce?

You’ve probably heard of the term sleep divorce by now. If you haven’t, it’s a term coined used to describe the situation in which a couple decides to separate themselves physically to 2 different areas while they sleep. For some people, a sleep divorce may just be part of the end of their marriage, but for other couples, it could be the beginning of improvements in the relationship.

I was recently listening to an episode of the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things,” and a really interesting discussion occurred. Many times the issues with sleeping arrangements can snowball into other issues. One person may be a night owl while the other likes to go to bed early (I personally don’t function well after 9 pm). It’s common that one person gets hot while sleeping while the other likes to bury themselves under several hot blankets. As night after night goes by in a marriage with mismatched sleeping habits, the morning begins with resentment. “You were snoring.” “It was so hot I just lied awake all night.” “You stole all the blankets.” You get the idea. And starting the day off every day with resentment is not the path to a happy, successful marriage.

So, can a sleep divorce really help?

Well, Dr. Shelby Harris explains that aligning your sleep goes can really be a step towards bringing a couple closer together, rather than apart (which the term sleep divorce implies, and therefore is not a good term to be using when working on your relationship). She suggests that a couple set a schedule, maybe a few nights a week where couples sleep in separate areas. She said it’s important to still have time together at bedtime before retreating to sleep. And also, each person should take turns sleeping in the couple’s bed so one single person doesn’t feel relegated to the couch or guest room.

How can this help you?

Well, in a couple of ways. The first, is that hopefully you wake up feeling more well rested which is always a better way to start the day and approach your life, your marriage, etc. Second, and perhaps maybe more important, is that in doing this, you and your spouse are agreeing to take action with the goal of improved outcomes. You are not saying “fine, I’ll sleep in the other room from now on,” but rather you are having a conversation together and deciding together that sleep is a priority for you both, and that you are willing to each make a change to support the well being of the other.

Simply agreeing to try something new is huge! If your marriage has been struggling, doing the same thing over and over again is not going to lead to any new paths, and may end up resulting in divorce. Demonstrating the willingness to try is a great starting point, and it is possible that some separation during sleep could bring you closer together.

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