Vacation Time and Custody Agreements: Tips for Divorcing Moms
My kids are currently on vacation with their dad and their stepmom. This is not the first time they’ve gone away; I’m actually quite experienced with this, having been divorced for many years. So the things I have come across are things you may want to consider as you’re deciding on your vacation time in your divorce agreement.
Think Ahead: Avoid One-Sided Custody Vacation Restrictions
Always consider the flip side of what you are proposing, or what you are trying to reject. For example, let’s say your ex wants to take the kids to Europe. Your gut reaction may be, “heck no!” because you don’t have the means to do so right now. You may even want to say that they are never allowed to leave the country with your kids.
Well, things change and evolve, and you don’t know what your situation may be down the road. Imagine if one day you had the opportunity to travel internationally with your kids, but you’ve limited your ability to do so in your attempt to block your ex’s vacation plans. Before you say yes or no to anything, put yourself on both sides of the scenario.
Balance Vacation Time Equally Between Parents
Evaluate what the timing may look like. I never like my kids being away, but I absolutely love the time that I do get. So consider what amount of time you wish to spend with your kids for vacation, and understand that your ex may be entitled to the same amount. If you want to go away for 2 weeks in a row during the summer, be prepared to have your kids be away with your ex for 2 weeks. If that doesn’t feel right for them to be away for so long, then you can consider splitting the 2 weeks up into two 1-week vacations that you are each entitled to take.
Alternate School Breaks for Fair Custody Scheduling
Consider alternating school vacation weeks. During the school year, it’s great to get away, and while consistency is nice, you may find yourself with some limitations if you have your kids for the same school vacation each year. As my kids have gotten older, their activities have creeped into school vacation time. Something to consider as you divvy up all those days!
Set Vacation Planning Deadlines in Your Custody Agreement
Put in a time frame for decisions to be made for summer vacations. If you have younger kids, you may be signing up for summer camps as early as January! To be able to plan your summer accordingly, you will need to know when your kids are going to be on vacation with each parent.
Address Passports and International Travel in Advance
Consider whether or not your children have passports and if that’s something you want to agree upon for the future. I had to go with my ex-husband and our 3 children to obtain passports. This was not in our agreement, but something we agreed to do thereafter. Because it’s something that you would have to agree upon and actually do together with minors, it’s a good idea to put it in writing that you will both agree to do so when the time comes, if you think at some point you’ll be traveling outside of the country.
Plan for Parent-Child Communication During Vacations
Consider how you may communicate with your kids when they are away. Now that my kids are older, I have the ability to text them, but when they were younger, it was important that I speak to them during extended periods away. Again, think of both sides for this. You may want to call your kids every night when they are with your ex, but are you really going to want your ex calling your kids every night when the situation is reversed and it’s your vacation time? Think about what will work best all around and maybe consider a phone call or FaceTime every 2 or 3 days.
Exchange Travel Itineraries for Peace of Mind
Getting details about vacation plans is important. Consider putting into your agreement that each parent will provide flight and lodging information to the other parent for peace of mind when traveling with kids.
For more help, check out this article I wrote: Kids Going on Vacation with Ex?
