Things That Helped Me with My Divorce

Divorce inevitably feels daunting, but there are things that helped me with my divorce which may help you.  Today, I’m going to share with you a variety of changes I made in my life that alleviated some of the stress and some of the pain.  Try all or some of these!

1) Get off social media, or at the very least reduce your time. We all know by now that social media can be the presentation of a person’s preferred appearance, both in lifestyle and actual physical appearance. When you feel like your life is falling apart, the last thing you should do is compare your actual life with a very polished, edited, filtered reality of others who are saying how amazing their partner is, how wonderful their children behave, and how clean their kitchen is. Unfollow every account that leaves you feeling bad.

2) Rethink your friend group. This is not a time for fair-weather friends. Anyone who is unsupportive is someone you need not spend time with or put energy into. This goes for family also. Surround yourself only with those who are willing to walk through this hard season with you and make you feel less lonely rather than those that add to the burden of this journey.

3) Vent to the appropriate people. This means do not blast your ex on social in a public manner. Do not trash your kid’s dad to other parents who probably will need to maintain relations with him. Find a couple of safe family members, friends, and therapist who will listen to you and provide healthy feedback.

4) Get a hobby. Try something new and keep yourself busy. Try reading, painting, yoga, cooking, pickleball, knitting, scrapbooking, walking, golf, ceramics, photography, or volunteer work to keep yourself moving forward and your mind filled with healthy activity.

5) Take some time grieve. Stuffing down all those bad feelings won’t be good in the long run, so make sure you set aside time to process your loss. It can be with a therapist or in a journal. Let yourself be angry and sad. And then continue moving forward.

6) Find a community of similar people. This can be online or in your actual community. Connect with other single people/divorced parents. It’s nice to be able to share (or sometimes commiserate!) the challenges you face.

7) Ask for help. This is everything! No one is looking for a superhero right now. What everyone needs is for you to heal, and healing takes time and it takes help. Ask to share rides for your kids to activities. Ask someone to help with dinner. Ask a teacher to spend extra time with your child so they understand their homework. Ask a family member if you can have a get together at their house because you don’t have the space or mental capacity to handle hosting. Your family and friends want to support you, just tell them how!

8) Set new goals. What you hope for in the future isn’t going to play out as expected…..so it’s time for a new vision. This vision may not come to fruition tomorrow, but that’s okay. Get a clear picture of what you want for yourself and begin taking small steps towards that goal. You deserve it.

Going through a divorce is one big change after another.  Making other small changes to your life during this process and beyond will ultimately help you move through this period of your life and help you get to the next better chapter.

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