How Do I Know If I Should Get a Divorce?
Do you find yourself Googling the question, “Should I Get a Divorce?” while you’re laying awake in bed?
If so, good news! You’re in the right place!
Bad news…Google doesn’t have the answer for you. And actually, I don’t have the answer for you either. What I do have are some additional questions for you to think about.
1. Are you unhappy with your spouse, or are you unhappy with yourself? Gross question, right? I mean, obviously I think you’re perfect…but in many unhappy marriages, it takes 2 to tango. So put aside your spouse in your mind for a bit, and think about yourself a solo person. I don’t mean as a single or divorced person, but as an individual human. What things about yourself do you love? What things are you unhappy with? Are you unhappy with your health? Are you unhappy with your job? Your friendships? How you parent? How you show up in life? These are all things to focus on. You can only control yourself; you cannot control your spouse and how they act, so there’s no reason to focus on all the things you dislike about your spouse and wish could change. Start working on making changes on your end. As you become happier with you, it may improve your marriage. It may not. But at least you know you’ve done your part to make yourself a better version of yourself. And that will help you in your next chapter, whatever that may be.
2. When you envision your future, is your spouse a part of it? If you cannot imagine being older and not having your spouse by your side, this is good information for you to consider. If the thought of spending another decade with your spouse makes you feel sick to your stomach, that’s good information that should not be ignored.
3. Are you willing to do the work? Marriage is a lot of work. But, I have to tell you, so is divorce, especially if you have children. It’s not as if you can throw in the towel on your marriage and be done with your spouse for the rest of your life. You’ll continue having to work with this person until your kids are grown, and possibly even after. So think about the relationship you have, and what you’re willing to work on. You’ll either be working with them in a marriage or in a divorce situation. Do you want to put the effort in to heal your relationship and stay married?
4. What is your gut telling you? We all have an intuition…and sometimes it is screaming at us while we continue to ignore it. Your intuition knows things that Google doesn’t know, that your friends and family don’t know, and that I certainly don’t know. There are women who discover their husband’s infidelity and immediately know they need to leave. There are plenty of women who find themselves in that same scenario, and know instinctively that they want to work on fixing what is broken. This is their decision to be made, and only theirs.
If you’re reading this, I know it’s because you’re feeling confused, lonely, stressed, and maybe just feel sick and tired of everything you’ve been dealing with. I hope you have a friend that can listen to you. If not, a therapist is a great person to talk things aloud with. And you always have yourself to talk to. You know what path is right for you and your family. Spend some time in quiet thought about your marriage and about yourself. And then do what is right for you.
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